Phishr Chronicles

Stink and I took another journey to Keystone for 4th of July 2008. It was a calm weekend filled with food, a steady pace of drinking and a 9 year old friend of the family that turned my night into, well, a story…

On the way back from the beer store, Stink is talking about the difficulties of going over bumpy roads on motorcycles.

9 year old, “My dad hit this road on his motorcycle that had like… 20 potholes in it.

It was quiet after that.

9 year old, “It was FUCKING bumpy…”

We were in tears and awww…

That day this kid continued to splash lake water in my beer (which didn’t stop me but might explain why my chest still hurts 4 days later) and throw mud at us. I wanted to challenge him to a duel, but he always would revert back to something funny which in turn would keep his death imminent.

I noticed that the more I drank, the more adult sense of humor would revert back to elementary sense of humor.  A quick example would be how Stink finally retaliated and dumped soupy mud/sand all over the top of the kids head. He replied, “ewww… it’s like diarrhea all over my head”. I would laugh because he was so vulgar it was shocking. Then night fell and the conversations began.

This kid probably sat up with us until 4 a.m. discussing some weird stuff.

9 year old, “Whats your favorite Gangland episode?”

me, “….?”

9 year old, ” I think I liked the crips episode, that tooky guy was huge”.

me, “*long pause* That one was good, did you see the one with MS13 or the nazi lowriders?”

9 year old, “Yeah! Whats a boot party?”

me, “It’s a stompdown, I’ll tell you more some other time…”

Remember that this kid is 4th or 5th grade. He does not appear out of the ordinary.

9th grader on clowns.

9y.o., “shits scary, have you ever seen the movie ‘IT’?”

me, “lalalalalalalalala, we’re not talking about that!!! lalalalala”

9y.o., “yeah, that’s some scary shit…”

9 Year Old on alcohol.

9y.o., “What kind of beer are you drinking? I got drunk for the first time when I was 3!”

me, “spewing beer out of my mouth”

stink, “JESUS! WHAT THE HELL DUDE?”

9 Year old on pets.

9y.o., “I would want a monkey, except they poo everywhere…”

me, “they say that monkeys are the carrier for aids…”

9 Year old on basketball

9y.o., “I don’t know who I like more, Shaq or Magic.”

me, “they say Magic is the carrier for aids…”

Stink, “Tommy Morrison too, they are clean now, like it went away through treatment.”

9 Year old on his own mom

9 year old pulls picture of his mom out, “she’s real pretty but she’s kinda thick..”

Stink and I laugh hysterically

9 Year old on music

9y.o. “My favorite bands are Hank Williams Jr. and Slipknot”

me, “…How? Why?”

Stink, “That makes no sense kid”

9 Year old on rap music

9y.o. “Because 2pacs crew killed biggie.”

Stink, “What about EazyE?”

me, “He had aids too.”

 CONCLUSION

Including other subjects that were completely off the wall, I’d say that the night was a success.  I learned:

-What a Banshee was (now I have ANOTHER creature to scream myself to sleep about)

-I learned that Blair Witch wasn’t a real movie based on actual events(oh piss on you, it looked real)

-The Shining will always be the scariest movie… Ever…

-Little kids can throw up if you scare them bad enough

-Tombstone the movie will never get old no matter how many times in a row you watch it

-Goat cheese is good on tostitos after drinking all day,

-And that I have finally come to terms with accepting the fact that I was just not assembled by god in a way to perform on anything that drags behind a boat.