Phishr Chronicles

Typically when a girl is this easy, you can go ahead and either expect

A) Chlamydia

B) A dramatic experience

C) An unplanned dilemma that will inevitably ruin your night

Unfortunately, a condom cannot prevent B and C.

I was partying at an old friends house when I met this cute easy little number who began openly flirting with me; if only all confrontations were this easy.

She showed me her boobs.

I smiled.

She asked to see my phallus.

I obliged.

She told me she shaved.

I asked fora viewing.

When a girl this simple comes along, you hold onto her. Not for a relationship, you never date anyone like this, unless your desperate but then you’ll always be worrying if she REALLY went to the bathroom or if she’s providing tug jobs for the rugby team in the hallway.  I always wondered what their fathers would think if they walked in on them performing said acts. Then one begins to pray that they don’t have daughters…

Our random romps went on for a few weeks. I’d call, she’d show up, we’d do what… well we’d slap ‘em. I didn’t feel guilty because quite frankly, she initiated this.  Then the unplanned dramatic experience that inevitably ruined my night decided to make it’s entrance.

I was at my friend Eskimo’s house drinking in the garage when I decided to call her up. We’re all pretty plowed and it just seemed like the right idea. She shows up and I sat down in the driveway with her. We started hooking up again in the driveway, one thing led to another and within minutes I was slappin ‘em again. Her heavy breathing turned to moans, that turned to other noises that turned into crying.

Not the good crying either.

I let up to see what all the crying was about. I was actually sensitive to her emotions.

“What the hell is wrong with you?”

“My daddy wouldn’t buy me a pair of shoes today! He’s so mean…”

I was astonished. Why on earth would she think of that in the middle of sex in a driveway with me.

Do I want to know? This might be one of those crazy repressed thoughts that I might have uncovered unknowingly.

“Eww, maybe you should leave right now…”

I ran into this girl about 5 years later at a festival in Stillwater, OK. She was a beer vendor. I sparked up a quick conversation with her.

“How have you been the past 5 years?’

She shot back, “good! I got married 2 years ago!”

Oh dear god, I felt sorry for her husband. If he only knew.

I sure hope he keeps that shoe closet stocked…

And stays away from rugby parties…