Phishr Chronicles

My knee sucks. I used to have faith in it, now I don’t trust down a flight of stairs on a chilly day; thanks Tahlequah City Hospital.

It all started with a friendly game of racquetball. Fat and I determined that getting up and paying the pizza guy or walking to the car for McDonalds drive-thru just wasn’t cutting it in the physical activity department.  So we strapped up and headed to the fit for a little game.  Now playing any sport against Fat, it’s impossible. The guy almost always has a cigarette hanging out of his mouth and he laughs when he runs. It’s amazing, I use a strategy in raquetball, he pulls back and swings as hard as he can and leaves me chasing shots. As we are playing he slaps the ball with authority. I charge it coming off of a 4 waller and make a jump to save the shot.

*POP*

I drop to the ground. It felt like an explosion of not-fun in my knee. I wanted to cry.

Fat, “Get up pussy, you’re fine”

Fat calling me a pussy hurt more than my knee. I tried to walk it off. Yeah right… I dropped to the ground.

Fat, “Are you pussin out cause I’m kicking your ass so bad?”

I don’t know what was worse, blowing my knee out, or getting the business from Keith.

We had to quit after that and it took me a while to get back home.  I wanted to cut my leg off, this pain was terrible.  For the ret of the week I tried to play off the fact that everytime my knee shifted side to side or flexed tight, it shot a pain up my leg, tensed my spine, and gave me a headache. About a week later we were tossin the football and that’s when it completely gave out.  I tried to ignore the fact that something was seriously wrong with my knee. I wasn’t ignoring anymore.

I was taken to the emergency room by 2 fraternity brothers and the events that transpired are as follows…

I’m helped into the emergency room by “Oompa” and “SIV”.  Whats a hospital story without a good waiting room kicker. We sit in the waiting room and bullshit about the slow as molasses service in a near vacant establishment for what was about an hour. I’m finally lead back into a room and asked to wait another hour.

Be being pissed off was an underrstatement. I wanted to take this doctors life. He finally walks in.

Doctor, “What seems to be the problem?”

I don’t know mother fucker, did you read the novel of information I filled out or notice a disturbingly swollen knee propped up in your face?

I held my composure and told him my knee.

Doctor, “Where does it hurt?”

Me, “…..Are you serious? My knee!”

He proceeds to jam his thumb into it and flex it around like he was mixing a cocktail. The guys are cracking up. This doctor is a pressure point away from being discovered months down the road in a shallow grave along the river.

“Seems you got you some fluid! I’ll just suck it out.”

Not one part of your last statement was remotely close to making me feel better.

Of course he preps a needle the size of one that could rival King Arthurs sword. By this time I cannot see what the doctor is doing… But I sure as hell can see Oompa and Sivs face when he put the needle in. He begins his attempt at withdrawing fluid from my knee.

Nothing.

He tries harder

Nothing.

“Maybe it is just inflammed?”

…Seriously? Did you just ask me a rhetorical question in regards to my knee?

Then the nurse peaked her head in the door. “Doctor, your assistance in needed.”

He up and left… WITH A SYRINGE PERTRUDING FROM MY KNEE!

“HE IS SERIOUSLY GOING TO LEAVE WITH THE NEEDLE HANGING FROM MY KNEE?!”

So we casually sat in the cold room, chit chatting, making small talk, and trying not to move my leg to often because of the steel pipe lodged into my knee…

A few quick moments later a told SIV to peak his head out of the door and see if the doctor was anywhere to be seen. Siv swung the door open and we all saw whereabouts of my doctor.

He wasn’t tending to a more serious incident

He wasn’t fetching anything for me

He wasn’t nailing the nurse

HE WAS PAYING THE PIZZA DELIVERY GUY.

This man half assed his job with my knee for a quick bite. I am in pain. I am tired; and this chump put one over me. I should have asked him for the whole pizza.

They diagnose my knee as a sprain and send me on my way. What would occur next is monumental. If I weren’t a greedy get rich fast jerk off, I would have sued…