Phishr Chronicles

Tahlequah is the Cherokee national capital.  Just because I hail from Oklahoma does not necessarily mean I know a flipping thing about old Indian tales. Hell, when I worked at this highway-side gas station, I would get truckers coming through asking where the tee-pee’s were. I don’t know these things. I always found it interesting that I have met people with last names like “rainwater”, “wildhorse”, or “skydancer”.

But lets face it. I’m a white male, European decent, aged 18-24, from suburbia.

To be honest, I moved to Tahlequah and learned that “stomp dances” were REALLY freaking real.

 Now to begin this story, It all started one weekend lake trip to my old roommates family lake house. his family has some Cherokee in them so of course everyone around me was mentioning these little “Indian” quips that kind of left me feeling like an outsider.  I learned some valuable native lessons that weekend. 

Natives like OU so much because OSU’s mascot is the Cowboys and everyone knows Cowboys and Indians don’t mesh.

Every FULL native is unpredictable after they “getta lil’ of dat fire water in ‘um”

Indian tacos are the same thing as a taco salad, don’t be deceived.

Don’t say the words “L.P.” or “Deerlady” out loud.

Now you might be asking “what the hell does L.P. stand for?” or “what the hell is a “deerlady?”

Don’t worry, after I overheard one of his family members whisper those initials, I saw the fear of god in all their eyes, I wasn’t in any hurry to find out what those unholy letters stood for either.

As for deerlady; the initial sketch in my imagination of a half deer half woman made me chuckle.  Have you ever seen the South Park episode with “manbearpig”?

This was no laughing matter at all. Lets time travel 2 years.

I had just moved out of the infamous “Normal & Ash” house (yeah, I lived on normal Street, make your remarks). I moved in with a fraternity brother “Escalito” on this house on the hill. We had another roommate who was a minor league ball player “AMIL” going to school in his off time. This house had a pretty good setup.  We all had different schedules but it was interesting when we all would get together once every blue moon.

One night a storm had just passed us by (go figure) and ”AMIL” and I were both in the living room because the power had been flickering…. Go figure some more.

While sitting around, we started hearing noises outside.  “AMIL” looked at me with wide eyes and whispered “whatthefuckwasthat…”

Most of the time I would think someone was messing with me and blow it off. But i heard it too.. “Escalito” came out of his room behind us and said “Man, are you all hearing stuff outside”.

I’m trying to play tough, but deep down I’m a 7 year  old girl reliving daddy coming home whiskey drunk.

Now knowing that “Escalito” is Cherokee I drop the “L.P.” word.

He looks at me and says “what do YOU know about L.P….

“I know nothing man.. What is a/the L.P.?”

He sits down and quietly explains, “Only elders can tell the story of L.P…”

what… Shut up fucker are we gonna die or what?!

He takes a deep breath, “little people” come around and haunt you if you speak of their name”.

I’m losing my mind might I add.

“Oh well great! Just Great! Why didn’t I get warned of this?

I’m now expecting the leprechaun to peek out by my feet and bite my toes off.

Just then, god played a dirty little trick on us with his “majestic creatures”. When I glanced out the window there were 4 deer silhouettes grazing in the front yard.

“SWEET JESUS ITS DEERLADY!!”

AMIL yells at Escalito, “WHO OR WHAT IS A DEERLADY!?”

AHHHHH!

We all grabbed blankets and slept on the living room floor that night…

Imagine me rocking back in forth with a blanky thinking to myself, “I’m never coming back to this town, I wanna go home, screw this joint, I’m moving away.”

Shortly after we were evicted…

For sledding…