Phishr Chronicles

One Thursday in 11th grade we decided to go party at the lake. The reason for this is because the next day was Junior Jam day which equates to powder puff football and jumping on trampolines all day. It’s the same day as graduation for the seniors. So we packed our mansion tent which was a massive 3 room tent and we bought multiple cases of beer and all headed for the lake. The motley crew that went was me (Stink), Phishr, Treez, Danimal and O’Dis.

When we got to the lake low and behold there was 5 girls at the very next camp site. Could you think how happy us adolescent boys were. They weren’t the most attractive of girls but you know…we were drinking so they started to look a little better. Well these girls are from a town not to far from the lake or our hometown called Haskell. It’s really a miserable excuse for a town…you know the type with one stoplight. Well anywho at another campsite there was this kid named Coweta Chris who was the biggest douchebag and me and him almost fought cause he was being mean to the girls and I was trying to be nice so we could get lucky. He finally left and all of us decided to go swimming.

I talk to one girl in the lake and told her she was the hottest one out of her friends. She wasn’t but I didn’t care. I tried to have sex with her but she said she couldn’t have sex with me because we weren’t going out. Guess what I did. Yeah, I asked her to be my girlfriend. Pretty lame I know. It was probably the dumbest thing I, Stink, has ever done to try and get laid. But you know what, it worked. I had sex with her in the lake. Then in Treez’ pickup which also makes a funny story because all the guys kept coming up to the window to ask for stupid things just so they could see me having sex. They asked for towels, shirts, cigarettes and lighters. I didn’t care I just kept going and handed them the things. So after going back around to the fire and drinking more, I decided I wanted round 3.  I took her to one of the rooms in the tent and did it again. She fell asleep soon after and I walked out butt naked, pissed and sat down by the fire and drank with my buddies some more.

The next day she asked for my number so I made one up and thought I would never hear from her again. Well a couple of the other guys hooked up but didn’t go as far and actually traded numbers with the girls. They finally found my number because they looked up my last name in the phone book except it was my dad’s number and they kept calling him and he wouldn’t give them my number. Well my dad gave me their number and I called them from a payphone and told her that she shouldn’t call me anymore and she said I was the first guy she has slept with and I also fucked her over pretty bad making it a one night stand. Well how dumb a broad are you to say you will be someone’s girlfriends after only 2 hours of knowing each other. And what kinda idiot are you if you lose your virginity to someone you only knew for a few hours.

Well skip ahead 6 years to my college graduation and the night before I graduated I was at a friends house and this girl that I knew brought another girl that when introduced to me said I fucked her friend over at the lake and started cussing me out like crazy. Im like listen here bitch…first of all it was 6 years ago and second of all who holds a grudge for their friend that long. The next night after graduation I was at a bar and getting pretty loaded. I was kissing two girls at once and then they had to leave to go with their families. It was almost closing time and the girl that cussed me out the night before said she wishes she had someone to hook up because al of her friends were hooking up. I told her I would have sex with her and she agreed. So when we got back to my friends house for the after party I wanted to bone. We didn’t have anywhere to go so I took her into a shed and bent her over. It was crazy and then I did her another time that night in a bed and twice in the morning. I don’t know how I do it but I have some of the weirdest ways of picking up women.