Phishr Chronicles

Stink is one of those friends that you have to honestly thank for the simple fact that I probably would be in a government position/doctor/millionaire if I never met him. I regret nothing. I met Stink around sixteen when we pulled an all-nighter full of Red Dog, Whataburger, and drunk driving. A mutual friendship. After that night we all sort of joined forces to become the circle we are today. These short stories are dedicated to the times we made memories that are still blurry to this day

Mannford Birthday

Stink celebrated his birthday at his sister’s trailer in Mannford, Oklahoma. We arrived late that afternoon in February for excessive celebrations, bonfires, and a hope of hooking up with some of the girls. Stinks sister was dating a guy named “Dizzy”. Upon learning the “name” I was scared. The same anticipation one might have when being introduced to people named “ice-pick”, “glass eye” or “Sodom”. I was obviously right. A countrified unintelligent excuse for trash, within 5 minutes of meeting him he told us how he recently had his finger torn off by a rope. Sounds pretty gross right? No. What’s gross is he led us into the kitchen and showed off his finger he saved in a sandwich bag stored in the freezer. After I attempted to repress that memory (which obviously is scarred into my retina) we began drinking. Hard. We all sat around the fire and “Dizzy” rambled on his nonsense while I played along for fear that if I didn’t listen I’d be walking funny the next morning. The most memorable part of the whole event? It was when Stinks sister made him a huge pink birthday cake. Unfortunately, she presented it when we were all whiskey drunk and drooling on ourselves. My last memory was watching people digging their hands into this wrecked cake and smearing it around their face in an attempt to maybe get some of the treat in their mouths. When I woke up the next morning and stepped outside, I noted all the places everyone threw up from the night before. It was marked by the 20+ pink puke mounds scattered about the yard.

Stink comes to visit

Stink used to come visit my college every now and then. This was always marked by me getting my ex girlfriends sisters to come over in an attempt to make hooking up easier for Stink. Not too hard for a guy whose take on drunken hook ups is “it’s all the same on the inside”. Stink is sure to let the “hook-upee” know how he is built *cough* down there. It’s like his trademark. We proceeded to party all night and when the night began to wind down; I had noticed Stink had disappeared. He was back in the bedroom with a girl known at the time for her abilities to “hook up with a guy and leave him high and dry”. I thought this was excellent because Stink HATES that. Sure enough, they hook up. Stink is naked before they hit the bed, after she teases him with sex she blows the whistle and calls it quits. This is where Stink made his now infamous quote.
“Damnit! This is why bitches get raped!”
He just got up and walked off.

Phishr goes to visit Stink

Around my junior year in college I went down to Stillwater to party with Stink and go the football game the next day. We start the day off right at his apartment by whiskey drinks and beer chugs. That night we went to visit Gerbil and his fiancé (when they lived down there as well). While there I met a girl that would later turn into a great friend of mine. We started out kissing and whatnot and by midnight we were drunk slobbering all over each others faces. We were that couple. She tells me that “she just moved into a house with her friend” and if “I wanted to come back there with her”. I agree of course and we head off. Upon arrival they note that they have locked themselves out of the house. She asks me if I can find a way to get in. I begin checking all the windows when she interrupts me on the side of the house. “Come here! Just go through this front window.” I walk back up front and notice she is talking about the huge front bay window. I thought to myself “is she serious?” No time to second guess, I’m hooking up. I pick up the nearest rock and Joe Montana it through the window. The glass shatters everywhere and I climb in and unlock the front door. We go back to the bedroom and start messing around. I soon pass out. I was awoken at 8 in the morning to the girl shaking me saying “Hide! Her mom’s here!” I am naked covered with a Mexican poncho. Picture that… I jump up and hop in the bathroom. While in there I am doing my business when I hear on the other side of the door “ok, ok I’m just going to tinkle and I’ll leave.” The girls mom opens the door to see me standing there naked peeing. I did what every guy would do in the situation. I turned, smiled, waved, and said hellllo. She slammed the door and I heard them yelling at one another. Want to know one of the most awkward feelings in the world? Have 2 girls try to find where your friend lives all over town in the car at 9am the morning after you break their window, sleep in their decorative poncho, and have one of their moms walk in on me naked in their bathroom the morning after. Wow. Stink and I still laugh every time that story is brought up.